My Petition

6 07 2009

I am about to start a petition.

Since, I’ve just started looking in the job market lately, I’ve come across a national standard. The Personality Profile.

I honestly think that the personality profile creates a bias from the employer about the prospecive employee. They say these things are to weed out deviant people, however, who answers the personality profiles honestly? We all know the answer to:

“You suspect a co-worker stealing from the Till, what do you do?”

“A. Say nothing and ignore it.

B. Confront the co-worker and try to convince them to put the money back.

C. Tell a supervisor or a member of management about the suspicious activity.

D. Tell another co-worker about the activity.”

The answers are obvious, stupid, an annoying. They take up time, both of the employer and the prospective employeee. They take up resources as every damned place now has “acessment centers” for you to sit in an uncomfortable position while answering these questions because the chairs make you contort your body to see the screen.  (And the keyboard is awkwardly laid out as well. I have misspelled my name so many times.)

There used to be a day when there was a two part application process. You applied and handed it to an employee who thought about throwing it away for about two hours. Then you got to sit in a small box with posters telling you about lifting safely and mopping up spills correctly to avoid danger and loss, while the manager looks at you, dressed in uncomfortable clothes because this is your ‘interview’ outfit and will possibly throw it away once you GET the job. They ask you pertinent questions about your application, they ask you some questions about what kind of job you did before, asked some of the other questions mentined above, but not all. Then they would tell you they’ll call you if you get the job.

then you spend the next few days slaving in front of the phone wondering if they were going to call you. Then the manager comes back from break one day, and realizes they still haven’t let you know that you’ve accepted the job and that the orientation is TOMORROW, which ends up on your voice mail. then you scramble to clean clothes by the time the orientation starts.

That is the process that I’m talking about.

Instead this is what you get:

You decide to work for company A. You ask a rather annoyed employee where the applications are and they show you a metal box that vaguely resembles a cubicle, with a chair that looks like they robbed a kindergarden class for. You squat down on the chair and look into a computer monitor that has the resolution set to huge and brightness down to black hole dark.

The keyboard is laid directly into the desk, as if they are worried about someone randomly coming and stealing a computer keyboard, with a roller ball garanteed to pinch fingers if you’re clicking.

You start with the innocent questions: Name, address, phone numbers, previous employers, drug screening, blood type, name of first born child, schools you’ve atteneded, some release form question, something about “If you live in the state of Massechusetts or california please select the appropriate option….”, etc.

Then they start the personality profile. The one that goes, “In the past year I have (select as many as nessisary): lied, stole, cheated on my taxes, begged for food, kicked a puppy, lost my wallet, done drugs, taken heroin, crack or cocaine, smuggled any substances mentioned in the previous checkbox, smiled at a stranger, planted flowers in an empty lot, gave food to the hungry.”

And the “would you ever questions”

If someone were to come up to you and give you a hug would you:

A. Brush them off awkwardly

b. Hug back

C. Pretend it didn’t happen and go to your happy place.

D. Slap a bitch

And of course the questions of employment:

I am always neat:

Never true

Sometimes true

Mostly true

Always true

Again, I have no idea what they think they are gaining from these questions. Considering, they are easy to lie on, the questions of what is the ‘right answer’ and the ‘wrong answer’ are as obvious as the nose on your face (that will come up in my next blog then, how to cheat those questions with an actual questionaire form from a company.) and nobody, I mean nobody would answer those things truthfully. And if they are answering them truthfully, they either don’t want the job and are just filling it out because it’s 3 in the morning and they’re at company A for no reason at all except they’re drunk/stoned and this was the only place open besides Waffle House. Or they’re actually nice enough that it works for them.

So in all fairness, I think they should get rid of the questionaire. For good. I just got done doing a questionaire for DirecTV. That was an hour and a half of questionaires and personality profiles and test situations. That’s what prompted this post. Because what happened to judging someone on their character, not their answer to a multiple choice questionaire form?

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